Wednesday, December 31st, 2008 at 6:17 AM
Realtor Glossary
“Backs to open space” – The sewage plant is only in the planning stages.
“Charming” – About the size of a large storage shed. (see synonyms such as cute, quaint, cozy, etc)
“Cream puff” – Price is puffed up to cream the buyer.
“Duplicate listing” – another company has the same model listed down the street for less.
“Easy commute to everywhere” – Everywhere?
“Easy to show” – But hard to sell.
“Eat in kitchen” – Must hover over the stove and eat out of the pan.
“Fixer-upper” – Some agents bite their upper lip when they show it.
“Freshly painted inside” – Had to paint over leak stains.
“Great access” – House backs to freeway & is next to entrance ramp.
“Great price for the area” – Way too great.
“Highly sought after area” – Police seek often.
“Mint condition” – Need a mint to be in condition to buy it.
“Must see to believe” – You’ll say that about the price when you view it.
“Panoramic views” – Somewhere on the panorama you can catch a glimpse of the top of the hill between the houses across the street and above the shopping center.
“Priced to sell” – Sometime in the next 50 years.
“Original owner” – Owner has great pride in the original colors such as avocado green and harvest gold.
“Pride of ownership” – Owner mows the lawn occasionally
“Rents under market value” – Ever seen one rent over market value?
“Starter home” – Start cleaning, start repairing, start your therapy for claustrophobia.
“Updated” – Painted the dark cabinets white.
“Well maintained” – Sellers motivated because of the need for constant maintenance.
Posted on Wednesday, December 31st, 2008 at 6:17 AM in Year-End Review | 21 Comments » | 
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Hey, I think I bought that house!
Happy New Year!
shoppingaround | December 31st, 2008 at 6:24 am“Needs TLC” – Often used in the form “just needs a little TLC”=
The repairs are so minimal the seller couldn’t be bothered with them.
“Bring your toolbox”= I’m starting to see this one more and more. I think it should also mention that bringing some mood levelers and perhaps shrink would help get you through what you’re about to embark upon.
“Contractors dream”= since contractors aren’t building new houses apparently they dream about fixing up the battered and beaten “cream puffs”.
“Plenty of room for improvement”= The home needs major repairs before you’ll be able to use some of the facitilities, say, the plumbing or electricity.
“partial upgrades”= Often paired with the phrase, “needs some work-” in other words, nothing was done to code or under a permit. good luck sucker.
“as is” = Usually paired with the phrase “the seller has never occupied the home…” meaning, this was a very bad piece of speculation with no property management and no oversight by the owner and who knows what’s inside, we sure as hell don’t.
“cosmetic touches” = Usually prefaced by “needs some” which translates to, needs structural reinforcing and possible some foundation work all of which will make the home prettier, as well as livable.
ice weasel | December 31st, 2008 at 7:09 amnice, always enjoy these!
agree with ice weasel about “Bring your toolbox.” I’ll add here that it really means “Bring your toolbox and a crew of undocumented from the corner Home Depot.”
ocrenter | December 31st, 2008 at 7:35 am“buy now or be priced out forever” = Realtor needs to eat and will tell you anything to make the deal go through.
shadash | December 31st, 2008 at 7:37 amFresh … USC interior design student chose the pallete.
Stylish … look but don’t touch never mind live here.
Clever … hamster maze floorplan.
Creative … any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
Bold … considered the neighborhood atrocity.
Open … toilet is in the foyer.
Rob Dawg | December 31st, 2008 at 7:47 amHere’s another fun tidbit of information…
Last night I was out to dinner with a friends and they asked if I’d bought a house yet. I replied no because the market still isn’t where I want it to be before I jump in. They said that renting was the way to go and that they were doing a short sale on their property. Apparently their house has lost over 200k in “value”. (they purchased in a very marginal area at the absolute peak of the bubble) The said it is hard to fathom that their property has lost over 200k in less than 1.5 years.
I asked how a short sale works and they said…
1. You have to prove hardship (apparently by going out to eat)
2. Not pay your mortgage (That I didn’t understand)
3. Get the bank to accept buyers offers.
Here’s the kicker. They haven’t paid their mortgage in over 3 months. When I asked how long they could live in the property without paying. They estimated over A YEAR!
If you’re waiting on the sidelines to buy this is what you’re up against. The government is taking $$$ from your check to bailout banks who in turn aren’t foreclosing on people not paying their mortgage because they have bailout $$$.
Eventually reality is going to kick in. But for now all buyers should be extra cautious. I’m sure my friend isn’t the only person in this situation in SD.
shadash | December 31st, 2008 at 7:54 am“Apparently their house has lost over 200k in “value”. (they purchased in a very marginal area at the absolute peak of the bubble) They said it is hard to fathom that their property has lost over 200k in less than 1.5 years.”
This pretty much sums up the reason for current conditions: people finding it hard to fathom why their marginal-area property has “lost value” rather than realizing that it never should have “gained” that much in the first place.
GeneK | December 31st, 2008 at 8:05 am“Apparently their house has lost over 200k in “value”
arizonadude | December 31st, 2008 at 8:58 amI thought real estate only went up?What happened to all those smart people buying homes with the banks money.So much for the ninja loans.Does it take wall street credentials to figure out you don’t loan money to losers?I cannot figure out how the banks can’t seem to differentiate winners from losers.I think my dad is the only one I could trust to pay me back for a loan.My sister has never paid a loan back in her life.
Jim, are these original to you? If so, great job! Either way, very funny and enjoyable post, thanks for the laugh.
Kwaping | December 31st, 2008 at 9:01 am“Buyer to check permits” – Half the house is a unpermitted addition that the city will have you tear down at your own expense.
ToadB | December 31st, 2008 at 9:13 amBonus Room … bandos still in residence.
Rob Dawg | December 31st, 2008 at 10:10 amMy favorite, “Doll House.”
(See charming above.)
So small that only dolls could feel comfortable.
Downturn | December 31st, 2008 at 11:34 amKwaping,
Not my original work, hat tip to Mr.T who sent it along earlier in the year.
I’m working on the best of bubbleinfo for 2008, check back later and/or mention any of your favorites! Also, our beloved NAR has a float in the Rose Parade tomorrow, extra credit to anyone who has a description/photo of what it might look like!
Jim the Realtor | December 31st, 2008 at 11:40 amHA! Those are a hoot Jim. Happy New Year!
KC | December 31st, 2008 at 11:41 amMy favorite is when the listing says “ocean view.” Just to prove it, the MLS has a picture that’s clearly been blown up about 100x in Photoshop and yes, by gosh, there’s a blue pixel there.
Dwip | December 31st, 2008 at 11:43 amNAR Float? So full of hot air it actually floats?
Rob Dawg | December 31st, 2008 at 12:41 pmBest of 2008? You definitely have to have that freak show van in there somewhere, as well as a Lifetime Achievement Award for the ice cream truck. Also the beeping smoke alarms should be mentioned.
Kwaping | December 31st, 2008 at 12:48 pmUpscale Neighborhood … Ice Cream truck only on weekends.
Rob Dawg | December 31st, 2008 at 2:27 pm“For your discerning clients” — for buyers too rich and/or too stupid to care how much they are over-paying.
“Savvy investors” — see “Discerning clients”
Smithers | December 31st, 2008 at 2:33 pmThis is a great one from Burbed today: “Property reflects extensive deferred maintenance with potential and charactor [sic]” This is for a 870 sq ft 2/1 in Palo Alto, asking price $1.195 million.
http://www.redfin.com/CA/Palo-Alto/2326-HANOVER-St-94306/home/1005444
Ross | December 31st, 2008 at 5:32 pm“extensive deferred maintenance ”
I so wish I had thought of that. That’s pure genius.
ice weasel | December 31st, 2008 at 9:55 pm